What do you do to remember your baby?

Lupines in the garden in June, Seattle, WA.

The last thing I wanted to do when my baby boy Future was miscarried was forget our story. I didn’t want to forget that he existed, or the pain and fear in the weeks leading up to his loss. I didn’t want to forget the appointments and the ultrasounds, or his little feet and strong kicks. I didn’t want to forget the constant reassurances that he was healthy and that the bleeding would stop.

Many are the exact opposite. They want to forget their miscarriage as soon as possible, try to conceive again right away, and move on. That is okay, too.

Future’s due date was June 15, 2021.

Every year on June 15th, either alone or with my family, I make sure to do something special. I remember my grief, but try not to sink. I get out of my house, get fresh air, and try to fill the day with joy. One year, we took the ferry to the Olympic Peninsula and spent the afternoon picking salmonberries and looking for good thimbleberry bushes. Another year, my husband and I went out for brunch on South Lake Union, overlooking the water. Last year, we picked out charms for a Pandora bracelet, then went spent time in our garden.

Remembering your angel baby can be as simple as a few minutes to yourself to grieve, write in a journal, and enjoy a cup of tea. You can go for a walk somewhere beautiful, or take yourself out for coffee and a treat. I know a mom who plants a flower in her garden for each passing year.

I know some parents that use that day, rather than Mother’s Day and Father’s Day, to celebrate all of their children.

If you want a unique way to remember your angel, think of the things you looked forward to doing with them. Each year, do one of those things with your partner, your other children, or with a close friend.